So I’m probably not the first person to write about going to the new Marlins Stadium. You know what? I don’t care. Let me give you the Philly guy version.

I just got home from a game where my Phillies lost, actually being swept by the Marlins this series. Phillies fans are hardened already to that always being a possibility, so whatever. Upon arriving back at my house, I cracked open my first beer of the day since I wasn’t able to locate anything edible at the stadium. Corona Light on tap? What that hell? I didn’t even know they did that!

I was told by a few locals that if I wanted to venture all the way behind home plate, I might find a cart with a Bud umbrella serving Kona Longboard or Firerock Pale Ale or Widmer Drifter Pale Ale. All for the bargain rate of $8 or $10 apiece. Pass! Anyway, I only made you go through that shitty beer tirade because I moonlight for this other website when I’m not raking in the dough at Soul of Miami. LOL.

So let’s make this about the new stadium and my experience. Keeping on theme, I arrived EARLY, at around noon for a 1:10 pm start. I pre-paid for lot parking since I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave my car triple-parked in the yard of the guy with an iguana on his shoulder. You know, if you arrive a little early, you can park right by the stairs on the second level. Try it!

Unfortunately, playing catch and drinking beer and barbecuing  in the garage just seemed a little inappropriate. I’m pretty sure it was also illegal or at least I’d have been eventually asked to stop. Sun Life has a tremendous advantage over this place when it comes to traditional (and fun) tailgating. I didn’t smell one hot dog being grilled. Sucked!

The stadium was impressive from the outside. My kids were in awe even as we approached from the highway. As we walked toward the entrance, all we could see was a sea of red. Yeah, the Phillies may as well have been playing a home game or at least a neutrally-located game. Phils fans are the best. We gave our tickets and walked up about 60 or so stairs. I did see signs for elevators, but I need the extra exercise.

When we walked in, very cool. The presentation AND the temperature. 90+° outside, very comfortable inside. That retractable roof kicks ass! We found our seats in the Home Run Porch, another 40 or 50 steps up into the upper deck of the outfield. Again, there were elevators, but I think on the inside of the building, an escalator there would have been appropriate. There were not bathrooms or concessions or even shitty beer on that level, just A/C ducts. I like going up and down as much as the next guy, but this was ridiculous.

So we chilled and took some photos. They had the Clevelander and a swimming pool beyond the left field wall. Above that was a Budweiser bar. I was hoping they might be serving Goose Island, but it was more of the same crap. In center field, they had an artsy contraption that spins marlins and spits water when a Marlin hits a home run. Unfortunately, I got to see that in action a few times today.

Both of my kids said one thing that I was only thinking. Wowsa was the seating set-up STEEP! They didn’t even want to turn their backs to the field for a picture because they were nervous of falling backwards. By the end of the game though, we all felt we were watching in our living room, like a bunch of actual baseball players were performing for us alone. Was cool. And every seat in the house was solid, though not accounted for today.

Typical baseball game. They opened the roof afterwards which was pretty fun to see. Nice facility. Beats the hell out of sweating at Sun Life or anywhere outdoors in Miami. The roof was the best part and made for a comfortable experience. The Marlins should totally hire at least one additional person per exit to sweep up all the cigarette butts that I had to practically wade through on stairs exiting the stadium, the same ones I was happy to use as exercise on the way up. Was disgusting. Seriously, not just a few, it was deep.

Anyway, enjoyable because of the temperature. But I can’t forget it’s more out of my (and everyone in Broward and Palm Beach) way, the higher priced tickets, by almost double, and the no tailgating/baseball/chilling with people experience that should be part of every game. Probably won’t go back this season.